An icon like Kim Kardashian can pretty much make anything happen if she puts her mind and money to it, from hosting SNL to cementing a relationship with one of its now-former stars. As a successful member of one of the wealthiest and most influential families in the pop culture sphere, the SKIMS founder has created a beauty empire that has helped to keep her looking as young as can be from one year to the next, and it seems there’s no limit to what Kardashian would do to maintain a youthful look. Like, to the point where making poop a small part of her daily diet would be in the consideration rotation.
Now, Kim Kardashian obviously has a sense of self-awareness, and knows that many of the things she speaks into the world will be reported on by others. So I’m blindly assuming she was being slightly tongue-in-cheek (bad phrasing) when admitting how far her needs go when it comes to keeping that glowing beauty on the up and up. Here’s how she put it to the New York Times:
I’ll try anything. If you told me that I literally had to eat poop every single day and I would look younger, I might. I just might.
She says it in a way that sounds hyperbolic, the way someone would say, “Boy, I could eat a horse right now,” or “I’m hot enough to drink a jackal’s sweat.” But I think most people would agree that there’s at least one lab space somewhere connected to Kim Kardashian where smart-looking people in white coats are working around the clock on trying to turn everyday objects into beauty products, and you just know at least a week of their time was devoted to poop. It’s science, people!
And just to unpack that further, if unpack is a suitable enough word, Kim Kardashian is specifically talking about a daily poop intake in order to exploit her physical beauty. Which, in my mind, means it goes without saying that she would do it yearly, monthly or even weekly. If there was like a Monday-Wednesday-Friday situation that worked out the best — call it a tri-fecal-ta, or don’t — that would be mere child’s play for someone as dedicated as The Kardashians star. She’s basically a vacuum for it, so long as it’s every other day or so. But daily? Only when she sees results. She’s no sucker.
There’s something to be said about this topic mixing with Kardashian’s partnership with Beyond Meat, and the ridiculous debate around whether she’s actually eating anything or not in the ads — she seemingly proved it in video-form — but that’s probably a bridge too far. But for real, while we can joke around over a visual of Kim Kardashian getting all primitive with poop-on-a-stick, there’s no doubt in my mind that her way of eating it would involve paying the highest prices imaginable for world-class dishes from Michelin star-earning chefs. The rich: they aren’t just like us at all.
Kim Kardashian is no stranger to putting in the extra effort to look good for the millions of eyeballs that follow her, with one example of her dedication being her clutch weight-loss plan to fit into Marilyn Monroe’s iconic “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” dress during the 2022 Met Gala. Granted, both her talking about losing weight and her wearing that particular dress drew backlashes from different groups, such as it goes for those who bear the name Kardashian.
Now let’s watch this video below that is completely random and has nothing at all to do with the topic at (messy) hand.
For those who wish to see more of Kim K’s candid admissions, even ones that AREN’T about eating poop, the latest episode of The Kardashians — available with a Hulu subscription — finally shows her explaining how she and Pete Davidson first got together, and how sex was totally on the brain when it happened. I assume Kardashian also has some brainy lab techs testing ways to see if banging Davidson can reverse aging, so stay tuned for those results.
