I cancelled one of my Neopets so that the others may thrive

Every morning when I turn on my computer, I do what everybody else surely does: my Neopets dailies. I spin the Fruit Machine; I visit Coltzan’s Shrine; and most importantly, I go to the Secret Laboratory Ray and zap my pet.

For those not hip to Neopets, the Lab Ray allows you to “zap” one of your pets to get a random change. Their gender can flip, their stats can increase or decrease, and they can even change colors — some of which are rare, coveted colors that you can only unlock via Lab Ray. If you want a Chocolate or Robot Kacheek, you better get zapping.

I’ve been playing Neopets for so long that, at this point, I just adopt pets from the pound, zap them into something nice, and then give them away. I have a set of expensively painted pets that I love, so I try to share that wealth. Very generous, I know.

However, changing which pets you own changes the order in which they may appear on the Lab Ray screen. So one sleepy morning, after sending off a successful zap to a player and adopting a new pet, I mindlessly clicked the wrong pet. While most Lab Ray changes are monotonous stat changes, I, of course, got “lucky” in this one instance, and my prize Lost Desert Usul got a color change to Glowing.

To be clear, Glowing isn’t a rare Lab Ray-exclusive color, it’s just horrendous. (No offense to Glowing lovers out there.) My Usul lost her adorable black neck fluff and traded in her robes to just be radioactive. I was literally shaking at my desk with my mouth agape, realizing what I’ve done. Luckily I was able to fix this quickly, but that mistake has haunted me since.

Now, to avoid accidentally clicking the wrong pet, I slap this big cosmetic on top of whichever pet I’m zapping:

Image: Neopets

CANCELLED.

The absurdity of this cosmetic’s existence is funny enough; to understand why, you need to know that before the term “cancelled” was popularized into what it is now, March 3 was always a “cancelled” holiday in Neopets. The news page would read, “March 3 has been cancelled due to lack of interest,” and it’s been a reoccurring bit. This cosmetic was launched as part of this holiday, not to explicitly gain the ability to turn your Neopet into the likes of a racist YouTuber.

Still, in my brain, this Neopet is looking like a sad YouTuber apologizing for accepting a scam company sponsorship.

Image: Neopets via Polygon

Additionally, this is the only pet I have that isn’t checked into the hotel, so it needs to be fed. One of the common Neopets dailies requires you to feed your pet, which you can’t do if they’re staying at the Neolodge. Starving your pet makes them cry, so… I let my lab rat be CANCELLED and starving. The CANCELLED pet must carry many burdens.

So not only do I see a big red CANCELLED stamp when I log in, I also see the sad, crying eyes of my current lab rat. I feel bad for them, knowing that they are so hungry and sad, but I know in my heart that this is the right way to go.

This pet is CANCELLED so my other pets don’t have to live in fear of turning into some yucky color. Thank you for your service, CANCELLED Neopet.