Grand Theft Auto VI may still be at least a year out, but that hasn’t stopped it from becoming one of the most anticipated games of the generation. This is doubly true thanks to its setting, which brings players back to the Miami-esque Vice City and its surrounding Florida-inspired environs.
That latter point, though, is a key part of what could make the game great. Developer Rockstar dropped plenty of references to real life shenanigans brought about by Florida’s colorful residents in the game’s reveal trailer, and most all of them look like they’ll make for amazing satirical fodder.
This got us thinking about what other Florida Man stories and hijinks we’d like to see in the upcoming mega hit. So come along as we dig into 10 Florida Man stories we hope show up in GTA 6.
Florida Man Arrested for Feeding Alligator Bagels
We couldn’t possibly make a list of Florida Man stories without mentioning some involving alligators, and the first on our list is a standard bearer of the Sunshine State’s craziness.
Following a post to social media boasting about how he regularly feeds an alligator and some turtles near his property bread and bagels, Floridian Paul Fortin was issued a citation. He responded with disbelief and anger at the citation, but his previously posted video left him with little defense against it.
And yet, shortly after this news went public, many people online came to the man’s defense. They were especially fond of his quote about his gator friend, which stated “He’s a good boy… He likes Bagels.”
While this story could easily be worked into the game via a one-off NPC encounter, Rockstar could also go the extra mile by making it into a side quest. Players could work to free a doppelganger of Fortin so that he can return to feeding his gator friend; and might even be able to verify that he is indeed a good boy by tossing him some food.
Florida Man Arrested for Attempting $30,000 Turtle Heist
The Grand Theft Auto series is no stranger to heists, and GTA 6 could have one of its most memorable ones yet by recreating this wild tale.
Jermaine Wofford was arrested for stealing 18 turtles worth $30,000 while repairing a beverage cooler for a turtle breeder. Unfortunately, he failed to notice the surveillance camera in the breeder’s building, resulting in the failure of his reptilian robbery.
The wider premise might need some dressing up, but it’s undeniable that staging a daring job involving the theft of rare reptiles would be a nice change of pace to the series’ usual car and bank heists. Heck, Rockstar could even flip the script and make it an act of rebellious heroism, framing it so that players are rescuing said animals from a less than ethical animal breeder.
Florida Man Gets DUI for Driving Lawnmower Drunk and on Highway
How wild would it be to be cruising down the highway only to notice a man drunkenly driving a lawnmower right beside you?
This is a reality Rockstar could bring about by adapting the story of Paul Burker, a fellow who had one too many to drink and was pulled over by police when they noticed him haphazardly driving a lawnmower on the highway. As it turns out, he also didn’t have a license, hence why he was driving the lawnmower instead of a car.
Despite all this, Burker was incredibly honest about his inebriation and complied readily with the police upon being pulled over. At most, he got a little irritated when they tried to make him do a sobriety test despite his assertions that he was indeed hammered.
Even if it’s just a blink and you miss it moment, it’d be pure genius to include a facsimile of this story in GTA 6. Players could even follow the lawnmower driver until they’re pulled over, watching as they make their case with a refreshing amount of honesty.
Florida Man Dressed Like Cop Pulls Over Off-Duty Sheriff’s Deputy
There are a surprising number of stories out of Florida about people impersonating police officers, but one in particular takes the cake.
After a car sped past him, security company worker Omar Ford attempted to pull over said car by flashing his vehicle’s lights and pulling the car over. What he didn’t know, however, was that he’d pulled over an off-duty police officer. He was then arrested for impersonating a police officer, which wasn’t made any better by the fact that he’d been driving without a license.
Now, this could go one of two ways. One is to have players encounter this scenario out in the game’s world. This might be a random encounter you can witness, or it could be a fun side mission where you have to help track down and catch this impersonator after they pull you over.
The other is to put a spin on the story that the impersonator is trying to hold lawbreaking officers accountable. You could finally get revenge on the cops willing to smash, crash, and terrorize their way through the city in order to take you and other minor offenders in.
Florida Couple Get Trapped in Unlocked Closet for Two Days
Who among us hasn’t awkwardly waited in a group next to an unlocked door, believing someone else tried and failed to open it?
Certainly not the couple who spent two days stuck in an unlocked closet. After successfully reporting their unfortunate situation to the police, this Floridian duo were left looking foolish when the cops arrived and — surprise surprise — opened the door immediately. They were also found to be on some illicit substances, which probably didn’t help their ability to escape their self-imposed captivity.
Pulling this one off would be as simple as including it among the game’s one off NPC interactions. After stumbling into a shop or building, you could hear some cries for help and follow them to offer some assistance; only to realize the imperiled person was too dumb to realize the door was unlocked the whole time.
Florida Squirrel Attacks Tourist During Selfie
Don’t worry, you didn’t misread that header. This is indeed an entry about a Florida Squirrel instead of a Florida Man, but it feels right to include it here for a few reasons.
Based off of an incident wherein a squirrel was startled by a teen taking a selfie, there are multiple levels of material to be spoofed via the next Grand Theft Auto title. There’s the inherent comedy of someone trying to take a selfie with a wild animal only to suffer frightening consequences; the apathetic approach of the person filming instead of helping the teen; and the stunningly poignant snapshot of the lengths people go to for a good photo they can share on social media.
Honestly though, it’d be enough to feature some squirrels you can find in game and try to get a selfie with; only to provoke a lethal attack from the furry critters if you snap a pic.
Florida Man Attempts to Run From Florida to Other Countries in Bubble
This isn’t so much a story of crime or stupidity as it is one of determination.
Throughout the years, Reza Ray Baluchi has made several attempts to run from Florida to countries across the ocean using a Hydro Pod bubble device he built himself. Though they all ended in failure — and he was even found to be in violation of the law in some cases — it’s hard not to respect the fact that he kept trying to carry out these insane tasks.
If nothing else, it’d be a nice homage to one of Florida’s most resilient oddballs if Rockstar included a Hydro Pod players can find while flying out over the ocean. They could even make it possible to save him and fly him back to land, ensuring he lives on to make just one more attempt in the future.
Florida Man Steals Car With Baby, Returns Baby Before Escaping Police
Stealing cars is one thing, but stealing a car with a baby in the back is a whole other mess.
That’s what one car thief learned the hard way when they stole a car containing a baby from a gas station. Luckily, they quickly discovered the child and left the baby in safe hands at the nearest gas station before proceeding with their getaway, even telling the gas station clerk to call the police so that the parent would be reunited with their child as soon as possible.
Does it make up for what they did to the parent in the first place? Not at all. But it does make for a crazy scenario to challenge players with. Whether players steal a car with a baby inside it themselves or are tasked with tracking down a car containing an unexpected hostage, it’d be one of those random moments that’d undoubtedly be burned into the memories of anyone who experiences it.
Florida Police Tell Florida Men and Women Not to Shoot at Hurricane
Let’s be clear before diving into this next entry that it is not, in fact, smart to shoot guns at a natural disaster. Doing so will not stop it, and could very well make things even worse.
And yet, thanks to a joke event that was taken a little too far prior to Hurricane Irma making landfall, several Florida men and women were potentially ready to do so. So many signed up to attend, in fact, that the Pasco County Sheriff’s Department had to put out a notice to the community telling them not to shoot weapons at Irma.
Admittedly, this might not be the easiest story to implement in GTA 6 outside of some very specific set pieces. Fortunately, it would be a lot easier to make happen via the game’s inevitable online component. The online community could team up and fire their weapons at a forming storm, creating a fun player-made event that pays homage to this truly novel tale.
Florida Man Throws Alligator Through Wendy’s Drive Thru Window
Chances are you’ve already heard of this Florida Man story, as it’s one of the most infamous of them all.
In what was argued to be a prank gone wrong, a man threw a live, three-and-a-half foot alligator through a Wendy’s drive thru window. He was later arrested for assault with a deadly weapon among other charges, and social media had a field day with that fact that this was a real thing that happened in the world.
Of all the stories listed here, this one has some of the most potential for showing up in GTA 6 in a fun way. Outside of seeing this happen while exploring Vice City, you could also potentially have the option to throw gators like weapons yourself, ruining the day of anyone expecting a more standard hail of gunfire. This might not always go according to plan though, with gators able to turn around and bite you back before being sent airborne.
