Destructoid Originals

Look, my chums, it’s Raya Systems! They’re the ones who brought us Packy & Marlon and Rex Ronan: Experimental Surgeon; everyone’s favorite health-related edutainment games. This time, I’m finally sticking a finger into Captain Novolin…

Final Fantasy VII was released in 1997 on PlayStation. In those days, the NES, despite Nintendo only discontinuing it in 1995, was considered practically ancient. Things aged faster in the ‘90s. By the time the PlayStation had passed into…

I have a number of valuable games in my collection. Some I acquired through lucky timing, others I’ve actually shelled out for, but all of them are the result of questionable priorities. None are as valuable as my copy of Little Samson. As…

Ah, Star Wars Arcade. No, not that Star Wars Arcade game. Not that one, either. I’m talking about the 1993 Star Wars Arcade created by Sega. Except I’m not. I’m talking about the 1994 port for the Sega 32X. Ah, the Sega 32X. I own more…

I don’t think it’s really possible to quantify the “worst game of all time” or even compare kusoge that well. There are so many ways that a game can be deficient, and it’s hard to say what the worst way is. A game could be disappointing.…

Growing up, I played a lot of puzzle games, but I didn’t have much love for them. This is because my mother loves puzzle games, and I probably didn’t like them much because it was one of the genres she could beat me at. However, the…

Between 1989 and ‘96 was the best time to be alive. We ate sugar for breakfast, groceries were affordable, and the internet as we know it today didn’t really exist. Mark my words, the world started going to shit after American Gladiators…

Umihara Kawase is a weird game to explain, but I’m going to try to anyway. It looks and sounds like an amateur production put out by some unknown publisher and created by some unknown developer, and maybe it is. But it’s also one of the…

Out of everyone in my circles, I feel like the only person left who hasn’t beaten Baldur’s Gate 3. The FOMO of missing out on everyone’s new favorite toy isn’t something that typically compels me, but god — it’s like I don’t make a dent in…

I earmarked China Warrior for this column because of its prominence in the manga Hi-Score Girl. However, while it holds some sentimental value to the main characters, they don’t actually say if the game is good. I will intervene: It is…