Knives Out 3 arrives in 2025, but we can solve the case right now

Rian Johnson, that sly devil, has done it again: He’s gone off and made another mystery in the series that began in 2019 with Knives Out and continued in 2022 with Glass Onion. The director has promised that Daniel Craig’s effete sleuth Benoit Blanc will return in a new whodunnit next year, and that it’s called Wake Up Dead Man: A Knives Out Mystery. But you know what? Don’t bother, Monsieur Blanc. We can solve this one right now. We have all the clues.

Consider: The announcement teaser, which shows no footage, but features the previous title cards in the lead-up to the reveal of the new film title. Leading us there is this little trinket, a magnifying glass with a knife’s blade instead of a handle.

Or is it… the weapon of murder?! Will the killer in Wake Up Dead Man (Arnold Schwarzenegger, I have no doubt) use this to fry his victim (Richard Kind, very upsetting), in an elaborate death trap, like a cruel child scorching an ant? It’s more likely than you think! I bring your attention to exhibit B, Johnson’s X post about the new movie:

This makes my horrifying thesis plausible. Here, Johnson is signaling a tonal pivot for Wake Up Dead Man, and the gothic typeface of its title card suggests it will be a spooky pivot. Richard Kind’s horrible, nightmare-inducing death will be preceded by a red herring, Schwarzenegger’s faked death at the hands of Gisele Bündchen, in her first feature film role since The Devil Wears Prada. She, however, will believe she murdered Arnold accidentally, and spend the movie being haunted by various ghosts (played by Megan Thee Stallion, Tig Notaro, and, controversially, an AI recreation of Eminem, which is confusing because they could’ve just asked).

And Benoit Blanc, of course, will spend the entire film puzzling over a Ouija board and writing an original musical. We’ll think this is vital to solving the case, but in fact, he already knew the answer. It’s what they call a shaggy-dog story. Well played, Rian.

But if you still want to make this movie, I guess I’ll see it. Wake Up Dead Man: A Knives Out Mystery does not have a release date yet, but the teaser says it’ll come to Netflix in 2025.